Mentoring: A Blessed Call (Titus 2:3)

As I look back over the last few years of my Christian walk, I’m amazed at the surprises the Lord brings me. One of them is how much of a blessing it is to mentor a young woman. After going to an interdenominational woman’s Titus 2 for several years, I really was struck with the desire for this teaching to be implemented at my local church.


As I study the entire book of Titus in all of its three chapters, I noticed something very important. Paul is writing a letter to his protégé, Titus, who was planting a church in Crete, which is an island in the Mediterranean Sea. The book of Titus is a very basic and fundamental outline of the organization of a group of believers (church). Chapter one speaks of the requirements of the overseers and leaders and how to protect against its enemies. If we skip over to chapter three, it gives us a summary of the Christian’s responsibility to the world. All of these things are being taught in Bible teaching churches today which is a good thing, but when I get to chapter two and compare it to the way modern churches are ran today, this beautiful doctrine has become obsolete in our response to the young women as well as the young men. We are called to mentor a younger woman within our church.


We assume the responsibility of helping others on the pastor, youth/college pastors or any other trained individual. Because we have this unbiblical view, we ignore the need of one on one personal discipleship and our young people are left with nobody to help them with practical day to day. I can’t imagine how much churches would flourish spiritually if all of us would act in accordance with this scripture within the body of believers, not to mention help equip young people. Our pastors are often overwhelmed with all of the family problems within the flock, and not spending enough time in their study so they can feed us.


Books have replaced so much of our call to mentor. Case and point; the book "The Excellent Wife" from Martha Peace was the hot item when I was first married. It's a fine book, but I took a chapter in it WAY too seriously. The chapter (which is controversial) was about reproving your husband as you would any other brother in Christ. (Not sure about that. I will use the example of Esther on making an appeal in a later blog.) I marched in the living room and rebuked my husband for his "idol" of football. It didn't got over well to say the least. My countenance was disrespectful, and I appeared a self righteous brat. Even though books can be a good instrument, they lack the personal needs of a unique individual. I needed a spiritual mother to admonish me to be sober, check my motives (which were not pure at all), and be that quiet and gentle spirit as 1 Peter 3 calls me to be.

On the other hand, I'm encouraged to see the seeds of a reformation of Titus 2 as I visit churches in my town, whether that would be in a form of a news letter, the pulpit, or a class. Titus 2 is making a come back and it is Gods doing. I see the plea to mentor young people as it is mandated in scripture.



With all of my zeal, the Lord was teaching me a lesson in humility. I wanted to start a ministry in my church because I saw this gaping hole much by my own experience as a young woman, and the complaint of others. We started a Titus 2 Bible study with much excitement. The first year went well with about ten women. As we were preparing for the second year, my church went through a split taking the majority of the women in the study away. We were left with two young women in their early twenties just starting out in their adult lives. My partner and I were disappointed, but we committed ourselves as though we were ministering to many women in hopes others would eventually come. Throughout the year, some would come and go, but these two young women eagerly came faithfully week after week. After the study was over and a few months passed with my enthusiasm waned, I get a call from these young ladies wanting to go out to lunch. In my shame, I got so distracted with my big visionary ideas that I forgot the most fundamental part of Titus 2; the call to being an older woman to a younger woman.

Spending time with these two young ladies has been by far more of a blessing than any big ministry. This is God’s real call. I have to admit, I would rather stand in front of a large audience of people, than sit across a table from a younger woman. It’s scary. So much of our modern Christianity in America has “curriculized” ministry so much that we’re paralyzed with fear of not doing it right or saying the wrong thing. Well, let me ask, what does it take to qualify to be that older woman? As I move through this passage of Titus 2:3-5 it doesn’t say we need to be biblical scholars or have a counseling certificate.

“The older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things” Titus 2:3 (NKJ)

The older women: Many Bible scholars that I respect say that this requires gray hair old ladies. We certainly welcome your wisdom dear saints if you’re out there, but it says older, not necessarily old.

Be reverent: We must strive to be reverent. In other words, to have a deep exalted view of God that is in pursuit of a holy life to glorify Him. Our behavior is to be respectful especially to our husbands. To be a godly woman is to be nourished by the Word constantly, and know sound doctrine.

Not slanderers: If you have a bad habit of wanting to know the scoop in the church, or are urged to share personal information about others, than I would seriously examine yourself and ask the Lord to help you repent. This disqualifies you as being a trusted person, and your motive is not help a younger woman, but to gratify your own desires. Gossiping is not only a serious offence to the person that you're gossiping about, but it's a serious offence to a holy God. He puts it in the same company as murderers (Romans 1:29). Many times a younger woman will share things that are personal about people you might know, or even attend the same church. She will be seriously wounded if it is shared even under the veil of a prayer request. Keep it to yourself! I believe much of the reason why Titus 2 is not implemented in the church in a practical way is because of people being burned by gossipers.

Not given to much wine: I know this is obvious, but in the ancient world, wine was widely used as the drug of choice. When you’re addicted to a controlled substance, your perspective is greatly skewed. This also includes prescriptive medication. This is a epidemic today as millions, including church goers, are addicted to prescriptive drugs.

Teachers of good things: Life experience in its triumphs and defeats are all good. The Lord gives us a lifetime to share. So much of what I hear from a lot of women is from Dr. Phil, media, cultural perspectives, or other books that are not biblically sound. Many people in Christian circles today believe that the Bible is inspired, but the question that remains, do you believe the Bible is sufficient? “All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.” 2 Timothy 3:16-17. If you’re in a situation that you don’t know an answer, than let her know you’ll try to get back with her. You’re better off not having an answer than to give wives tales. It will mean the world to a young woman if you can only take the time and just pray with her. It’s far better than indifference.

“that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.” Titus 2:4-5

Experience: You need to have some experience in your life in child raising and being a wife. Some parents have this notion that Titus 2 can be learned from older Christian youth. How can any young woman learn how to love their husband and children if the mentor never marched through the trenches? Now, there are exceptions. Many older women who never been married can still be a mentor, but again, she must be mature, reverent, and teacher of good things due to her knowledge of scripture and wise due to her life experiences.

Being a good example: loving your own children and husband, and being a discreet, chaste, good homemaker, and being obedient to your husband. Much of the wives behavior can be so destructive that the word of God can be blasphemed.

Finding a younger woman: Pray about it. Send a card to a young woman from your local church. Greet her every Sunday. She may start sharing and open doors for a wonderful friendship.

Making time: Believe me; I understand the stress of time. Being a busy mom with a part time job has its challenges. Remember, you’re the boss of your calendar. A once a month trip with a new young friend to Starbucks might be the break you need from your busy life. More than likely, you’re going to be the one who will be blessed; I know I am.

To Be Sober Part 5 - Bitter Roots

Bitterness and resentment can creep into the mind and cause us to retreat and/or lash out. We could be holding onto pain from the past, or something that just grinds us daily like a lack of help with kids, or around the home. This very common verse has helped me greatly with my resentment towards my husband, and I think it will be an encouragement to you too.


Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18 (emphasis added)


Notice in the above verse that he is not to be our "helper", but we are made to be his. Taking a different look at the passage and putting it practically in my life stopped me in my tracks. I realized for so many years I resented my husband for not being a better helper to me when it was my calling to be a helper to him. Proverbs 31:10-12 also says


"An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life." We need to just put away bitterness.

"Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled" Hebrews 12:14-15."

Would our husbands say that we did him good and not evil all the days of his life? Are we holding on to bitterness that can bring many people (family, neighbors, children, etc.) to be defiled? The wonderful thing about most men is that they don't hold grudges like we do. It's time to (as I say to my kids) to "turn it around".


As I read this excerpt from Charles Spurgeon, I'm delighted to notice the overall attitude of the wife. This may sound ideal to some, but it just takes one person that chooses to rejoice in any circumstance.

“Sometimes we have seen a model marriage, founded on pure love, and cemented in mutual esteem. Therein, the husband acts as a tender head; and the wife, as a true spouse, realizes the model marriage-relation, and sets forth what our oneness with the Lord ought to be. She delights in her husband, in his person, his character, his affection; to her he is not only the chief and foremost of mankind, but in her eyes he is all-in-all; her heart’s love belongs to him, and him only. She finds sweetest content and solace in his company, his fellowship, his fondness; he is her little world, her Paradise, her choice treasure. At any time, she would gladly lay aside her own pleasure to find it doubled in gratifying him. She is glad to sink her individuality in his. She seeks no renown for herself; his honor is reflected upon her, and she rejoices in it. She would defend his name with her dying breath; safe enough is he where she can speak for him. The domestic circle is her kingdom; that she may there create happiness and comfort is her lifework; and his smiling gratitude is all the reward she seeks. Even in her dress, she thinks of him; without constraint she consults his taste and considers nothing beautiful which is distasteful to him.

A tear from his eye because of any unkindness on her part, would grievously torment her. She seeks not how her behavior may please a stranger, or how another’s judgment may approve her conduct; let her beloved be content, and she is glad. He has many objects in life, some of which she does not quite understand; but she be believes in them all, and anything she can do to promote them, she delights to perform. He lavishes love on her, and, in return, she lavishes love on him. Their object in life is common. There are points where their affections so intimately united that none could tell which is first and which is second. To watch their children growing up in health and strength, to see them holding posts of usefulness and honor, is their mutual concern; in this and other matters, they are fully one. Their wishes blend, their hearts are indivisible. By degrees, they come to think very much the same thoughts. Intimate association creates conformity; I have known this to become so complete that, at the same moment, the same utterance has leapt to both their lips."Happy woman and happy man! If Heaven be found on earth, they have it! At last, the two are so blended, so engrafted on one stem, that their old age presents a lovely attachment, a common sympathy, by which its infirmities are greatly alleviated, and its burdens are transformed into fresh bonds of love. So happy a union of will, sentiment, thought, and heart exists between them, that the two streams of their life have washed away the dividing bank, and run on as one broad current of united existence till their common joy falls into the ocean of eternal felicity.”

Welcome Autumn!!

If you look closely, you can see the bees.

My two youngest boys are too scared to make their way along "Scarecrow Alley".

He has made His wonders to be remembered; The LORD is gracious and compassionate. Psalm 111:4

My favorite season is finally here. I love the colors of orange, yellow, green, brown and even red. I also love the smell of spices when I enter a market and taking in the cool air.

I took these pictures to remember the beautiful day I had with the kids on a cool (for Southern California) October afternoon. I pray I never lose my sense of wonder of the faithfulness and consistency of His creation.

To Be Sober Part 4 - Examining Ourselves

For though the LORD is exalted, Yet He regards the lowly, But the haughty He knows from afar. Psalm 138:6

It seems a man’s most general sin is selfishness. We also have our own sin as women which counteracts theirs, and it is also selfishness, and it manifests itself in entitlement and self righteousness. In my blog “Disenchanting Idol’s”, I discuss this problem more in detail. We live in a culture that has been influenced by liberalism, and it has seeped into the church more than we realize. One preacher has said in the last decade he is seeing a reformation of young people returning to scripture. "This reformation will reveal who is a real disciple of Jesus Christ, and who is playing with a watered down cultural "Christianity" that holds the form of godliness, but denies the power thereof." I believe that. When I share what I have learned in God's word in regards to my relationship with my husband and children, I’m amazed that more often than not, women who are my age and older, and who know more than I do about the Bible, and often talk of their conservative “right minded” views, are the most contentious about these truths. I heared from two women who said with a chuckle, "I don't want to be convicted of that". Things can be seemingly fine in your marriage, but with that attitude, you're still in rebellion before a Holy God. "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones." Proverbs 12:4

We stand up to false doctrines, such as Mormonism, or the Jehovah Witnesses, but we don’t realize how much our behavior and mindset has been influenced by the doctrine of Hollywood. You see on commercials, movies, books and any sitcom that we women are much smarter, wiser, and now it seems even tougher than any guy. We can become rather proud in our "righteous indignation", and fail to examine our own sin in light of God's word.


When I first came into my Bible study over 10 years ago, I certainly felt that it was my husband's fault that our marriage was struggling. Every time someone would try to tell me I was in error, I felt entitled because his sin was so much worse and I was sinning in response. My teacher told us to take 2% responsibility; maybe even 1%. Even if it is 98% his fault, I can work with my 2%. Only God can change your husband. The more you try, the more he will either stand his ground and rebel, or withdraw in his “cave”. We can’t change our husbands, but we can change with God’s help. Take 100% responsibility for your 2%.


Naomi Wright who has been teaching the Titus 2 principles for more than 50 years, compiled a list that has been very helpful to me. We were given these examples of three types of women near the end of the year when the topic was "submission", but I think it would help with discerning our own "2%". In order to see any change take place in our lives, we need to "turn our eyeballs" around as my teacher Joanne would say.



What Kind of Woman are You?


The Doormat Woman:Motive: People Pleaser
Heart Attitude: Fear and Guilt
Rights: Doesn't feel she has any
Responsibilities: Feels responsible for everything and everyone (co-dependent)
Emotions and Self Control: Highly emotional, prone to fear and self-pity
Love Relationships: Being accepted is more important than being loving and truthful
Needs: Lets needs and feeling of others rule over her life
Discernment: Only wants to see strengths, not weaknesses in others
Dealing with Shortcomings: Overly disappointed when sees weaknesses, often devastated
Truth: Afraid to be truthful for fear of angry consequences
Submission: Misunderstands submission
Power: Feels powerless and intimidated
Offense: Stuff offense - stays unresolved



The Contentious Woman
Motive: "...unto self"
Heart Attitude: Resentful
Rights: Recognizes rights and demands them
Responsibilities: More concerned with rights than responsibilities
Emotions and Self Control: Highly emotional and prone to fear, resentment and anger
Love Relationships: Being right is more important than being loving
Needs: Preoccupied with her own feelings and needs
Discernment: Only sees weaknesses
Dealings with Shortcomings: Critical and judgemental when weakness is revealed
Truth: Offers truth through blaming and demands change
Submission: Resents and rejects submission
Power: Wants her own power
Offense: Is quick to be offended

The Sober Minded Woman of God

Motive: "...unto God"
Heart Attitude: Cheerful and willing
Rights: Recognizes rights and lays them down
Responsibilities: More concerned with responsibilities than rights
Emotions and Self Control: In touch with feelings, but not controlled by them
Love Relationships: Being loving is more important than being right
Needs: Listens carefully and is sensitive to the needs of others, but not ruled by them
Discernment: Sees both weaknesses and strengths, but accepts person
Dealings with Shortcomings: Edifies, encourages and strengthens when weaknesses show
Truth: Offers truth and petitions out of love
Submission: Embraces submission
Power: Focuses on God's power and her own powerlessness
Offense: Slow to be offended, willing to admit and resolve it when it occurs


I admit, I swing from being a contentious woman to a doormat woman depending on my mood. However, through the years as I grow in my Christian walk, I see God working things out in my own life so I can become the "sober minded woman of God" through sanctification. That leads me to my next question...Do you know God?


"For indeed He was crucified because of weakness, yet He lives because of the power of God For we also are weak in Him, yet we will live with Him because of the power of God directed toward you. Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith; examine yourselves! Or do you not recognize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you--unless indeed you fail the test?" 2 Corinthians 13:4-5I'm not saying that you're not a Christian unless you're the 100% sober minded woman of God, but if you're not sensitive over your sin (If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. 1 John 1:8 ) , then I would encourage you check out the video below, or listen to the series on Biblical Assurance on the red widget on the right of this blog. Even if you're assured of your salvation, it doesn't hurt to examine ourselves to renew our minds of the wonderful assurance of what Jesus did for us. It has blessed me greatly.

To Be Sober Part 3 - The Purpose of Marriage

"Sincerity makes the very least person to be of more value than the most talented hypocrite" - Charles Haddon Spurgeon


I have to be honest, nothing has been more challenging in my 16 year pilgrimage with the Lord than my marriage. Marriage can be very wonderful, but more often than not, we do not warn of the pitfalls of marriage, and young people go in with high expectations of fluffy bliss. I know I did. I ignored the crazy statistics out there of almost 60% of marriages ending in divorce. When I first got married and things started unraveling, I felt so ashamed and alone because other couples, especially in churches, seemed to be in a piece of heaven. What was wrong with us? As I get older I'm starting to hear real stories from real women, and we and our husbands are just normal sinners sharing the same roll of toilet paper. If only we as older women would be honest with younger women and share our experiences good and bad, how it would equip, encourage and even save marriages. Titus 2:3-5 are not suggestions, but a mandate. I only had one woman in my early marriage who was a pastor's wife that came and asked me how things were going. I lied and told her things were fine. She shared briefly that she had been married for many years, and for the first five it were very difficult. I remember coming away from that conversation so relieved, but I needed more mentoring.


I’m convinced if I would only get it right as a wife, everything else would fall into place. I’m not going to tell you with hypocrisy that I have arrived, or even try to appear like I have all the answers; only God has all the answers given to us through His word. The reason why I share what God has taught me is not only to help those who need it, but to also review and challenge myself. I desperately need help with the natural tendency that we all have as women to rule over our husbands (Genesis 3:16); whether we would do that in dominance, or in a manipulative martyr way. I have a long way to go to being a woman of God. It seems I would do well for a while, then things can go awry before I would blink.



I was saved a year before I was married, and I thought I was so spiritual. I was over the moon for the Lord, life was good, sin no longer had the dominion over me like it did, and I could see the Lord working in my life in so many areas. I was reading my Bible every day, going to church with my Grandma, praying, telling others about Jesus and singing Hallelujah; then I got married. For the first time in a year, swear words flew out of my mouth at my new husband. (This problem is no longer by God's grace.) This is a man I made a covenant with before God in His sanctuary in front of over a hundred witnesses promising to love and cherish for the rest of my life. Talk about a wake up call that I was not the sanctified self righteous princess I thought I was. I was so ashamed. We went through years of arguing, until we withdrew into quiet despair. After about five years, I found myself in bed weeping uncontrollably for four days. I fell into a deep depression.


I managed to get out of bed, but the hopelessness of just hearing the alarm clock and waking up seemed daunting. What will this day bring? Is it going to be a day of more emptiness, heartache, rushing, fighting, dirty socks on the floor, etc., etc., etc? For the first time in my life, even a day at the salon would not cheer me up. Things I once enjoyed seemed like just another task. I remember this time about 10 years ago, going to a salon and telling the lady to do what she wanted, and that I didn't care. It almost seemed in the woman’s eyes she knew. She seemed to take extra care with me as she stayed silent to cut my hair. I’m a very relational person, and I just sat there stone faced. I needed a good year of biblical counseling, and a Titus 2 Bible study to help me get through all of that. God is so good in so many ways; it would take a rather large book to write it all out. He really is the Good Shepherd.


Perhaps you can relate in some way. God knows, and has never left or forsaken you. You may be going through pain much worse than anything I have ever experienced. I want to encourage you with a verse on the reason for marriage if you’re a Christian. Here it goes…

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren” Romans 8:28-29

Most of us know this verse, but rarely do we apply it to marriage. I heard a preacher say that more often than not, God will give us a mate that is not compatible. When we think of Christ we think of His ability to forgive and His unconditional love. God will use what it takes to teach us unconditional love. How can we ever learn to love unconditionally if our mate meets all of our conditions? We are being conformed to His image and that should be an encouragement. He is the Potter and we are the clay. Praise God!


Once I came to a place where I realized that I deserve nothing outside of His grace and His salvation is more than enough, my perspective started to change. God revealed to Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10"And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness " Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."

I find myself reminding myself time and time again of Paul's prayer that I not only have been saved from the Hell I deserve, but bought and purified by the blood of Christ, and given more grace by being adopted as His own. If you think of that, all we could do is rejoice. On top of all of that, He blessed me with a wonderful husband and children.


If your husband is not regenerated by the Holy Spirit, I know that is a lonely road. I was there for the first 15 years of my marriage. If you've been a Christian for very long, I'm sure you're familiar with the verse in 1 Peter 3:1 "In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior." If you catch the first part of that verse, "In the same way", it refers to the previous text in 1 Peter chapter 2 as it mentions submitting to authority and being a bond servant to Christ to "silence the ignorance of foolish men" through your obedience. Also it refers to Christ's example during His crucifixion..."and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously;" 1 Peter 2:23. I would encourage you to do a study on 1 Peter chapters 2 and 3. He doesn't ask us to be nailed to a cross, but He does call us to take up our cross and follow Him. Some are called to suffer not only conform us to His image, but to give us the privilege to represent Him as He sanctifies us.