Sinfulness of Sin Denied by Domestic Abusers and the Church

Listening to this sermon (here) really helped me understand how abusers think and the physiological harm they heap on their victims over a period of years. This is also very helpful as to why a few women I've met throughout the years seemed to be off emotionally. They have been in a POW camp for crying out loud!!

In an earlier post I mentioned a friend of mine who endured many years of abuse from a man who was brought up in a church. She recently fled that abuser, yet he still attends that church (of course she had to leave).

Every pastor needs to hear this important message. We must understand the mentality of the worst kind of wolf that often harbor in churches and deceives many with their charm, fake repentance and counterfeit spirituality.

Here is a little spoiler of how victims and church leaders should take nothing less than a Paulific repentant transformation from alleged abusers: "Finding out that you're a verbal abuser/controller is a bit like falling down the rabbit hole. Your entire reality is shaken to the core to find out your relationships are broken, and that those around are frightened of you; that something is horribly wrong with the way that you view and communicate with the world. It is a very scary and life changing event. That is the spirit of fear...that is the Holy Spirit at work. It is the trauma of seeing ourselves as we really are; condemned before God."

Sermon HERE

Related Links:

Where are the Shepherds?

Pretend Repentance is Worse Than No Repentance

Church

If this is not a place where tears

are understood,

where can I go to cry?

And if this is not a place were my

 spirit can take wing,

where can I go to fly?

I don't need another place for always

 being on top of things.

Everyone knows that is a sham.

I don't need another place for always

 wearing smiles

even when it is not the way I feel.

I don't need another place to mouth

 old platitudes,

for you and I both know it's not real.

If this is not a place where my

heart-cries can be heard,

where shall I go to speak?

If this is not a place where tears

are understood,

where shall I go to cry?

Anonymous 

Sermon Series: Domestic Violence and Abuse

I've been listening to a sermon series by Jeff Crippen of Christ Reformation Church on domestic violence and other abuses. 

"Before we can deal with an abuser we have to get these logs out of our eyes...lots of them."

"The Christian church has not done a good job in helping the victims of abuse. In fact we harbor abusive people. Why is that? This is suppose to be the pillar and support of truth."

Series HERE.

Are You Giving Them Law? Romans 10 (Repost)

What is legalism?

It is a reliance upon human works for any kind of justification before God.

Is confession relying on your works? How about believing in your heart? How do we know we've believed enough? This sermon revisits and puts in to proper context of verses that has been misused since the days of Finney.

"Many have led people to Christ using the "Romans Road" approach, but what few realize is that we often give people a legalistic approach to Christ through this method. We should be careful not to give someone another act to perform for salvation; but rather, we give people the Gospel and the confession and belief will accompany it as God implants the Word into their heart." Steven Bratton on Romans 10: 6-11.

Sermon HERE

Related Articles:

Do Romans 10:9-10 or Romans 10:13 Teach "The Sinner's Prayer"

Commonly Misused Passages 1: The Romans Road

Paul Washer "A Living and Holy Sacrifice" Romans 12:1-2

Paul Washer speaks to prospective pastors at The Master's Seminary.

 

Commonly Misused Passages 2 and 3

Commonly Misused Passages 1: The Roman's Road

Are You Teachable?

For if you cry for discernment,

Lift your voice for understanding;
4 If you seek her as silver
And search for her as for hidden treasures;
5 Then you will discern the fear of the Lord
And discover the knowledge of God.
6 For the Lord gives wisdom;
From His mouth come knowledge and understanding.

Proverbs 2:3-6

When pride comes, then comes dishonor,
But with the humble is wisdom. 

Proverbs 11:2

Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness,
Who seek the Lord:
Look to the rock from which you were hewn
And to the quarry from which you were dug.

Isaiah 51:1

But blessed are your eyes, because they see; and your ears, because they hear. For truly I say to you that many prophets and righteous men desired to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.

Matthew 13:16-17

Now these were more noble-minded than those in Thessalonica, for they received the word with [b]great eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see whether these things were so.

Acts 17:11

Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom.

James 3:13

God's Solution: Justification & Regeneration by Paul Washer

Related article:

Does Romans 10:9-10 or Romans 10:13 Teach the "Sinner's Prayer?"

Do You Truly Know The Lord? Paul Washer at The Master's College

Last month my kids, some friends, and I had the privilege of hearing Paul Washer live at The Master's College chapel. As usual he delivered a powerful and stirring message. He implores the students, who may be numb to the Gospel, to deeply examine themselves using the scripure of evidences of true conversion. I admire his genuine love for the lost.

Audio and MP3 download HERE.

Why Are Young People Leaving the Church?

Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. 

Likewise urge the young men to be sensible;  in all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified, sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us. Titus 2:3-8 (Emphasis mine)

What I've seen over the 20 years of being a Christian is young people graduate high school or college who leave youth group/student ministry and follow their peers to younger churches. 

Those younger and hip churches lack older saints who have a gold mine of life time wisdom who are not connecting with these younger men and women. This gap creates an environment of immature baby Christians, who learn from more immature Christians, and they remain immature Christians.

Over time this problem creates an imbalance of age groups in biblical churches.

So why is this happening?

Age segregation defies the Titus 2 main principle of discipleship. The passage above is singular in context of a one on one relationship.

 If we separate young people in to their own culture within the church they'll have a hard time connecting and bonding with older men and women in the church's main population.

These older folks are also their family; come to the church of Jesus and find your uncles, fathers, brothers and grandfathers. It is not biblical for my children to depend solely on their peers for fellowship. "He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm." Proverbs 13:20

This is mainly the parents' responsibility to encourage and enable their kids form connections with older saints, but what happens if there are young people who are without parental support? Perhaps their father or both parents are unbelievers and they are not getting the discipleship training they need. That is where the church can jump in and use hospitality, spiritually adopt a young person, and demonstrate an authentic Christian home.

Often times the young person of an unbelieving family are sent to a youth group with their friends, but they are not getting one on one from a mature Christian. They often slip through the cracks and go on unchallenged in their Christian walk.

Even though I disagree with Mike Hauser's pragmatic philosophy of WHY young people are leaving the church they grew up in, I do agree with his solution because it lines up more to the biblical standard.  




Related articles:

Reflection on Becoming a Titus 2 Woman by Sherry Wilson

Pyromanics: "Too many old people"?

Ongoing Pastoral Counseling of an Abuser is a Formula for Trouble

I was part of a women's ministry for many years, and even in that environment the afflicted women were coaxed to get their Titus 2 on and go back to their husbands.

I don't understand the point in having shepherds if they won't protect the weak in the flock they vowed to protect; very sad.

"It has occurred to me lately that we are hearing about a very common pattern experienced by Christians who are abuse victims. They have gone to their pastor for help and the pastor decided to start meeting regularly with the abuser to counsel and “fix” the problem. Some time goes on – perhaps months or longer. Pastor and abuser meeting, talking, fixing. Then the inevitable day arrives. The victim receives a call or note from the pastor asking that she begin to meet with her husband and the pastor. It seems that great progress has been made and now it is time to get her involved. What should she do?"

"Don’t go. Don’t go. Don’t go."

Full article here.

Related article:

Signs Your Husband May be Addicted to Pornography

Horrible Advice From an Elder

In the middle of my second separation from my abusive ex-husband, the elder of our church called. He called to inform me my soul was in danger. It did not matter that my physical life, my emotional life was in danger from the abuse. He insisted that there was something much worse for me. “God hates divorce,“ he said. “Go back to your husband. Submit to him. Put a hundred and ten percent into the marriage what you want out of it. It will work. He is not abusive. He has poor coping skills that’s all.”

Full article here.

Christian Counselor Litmus Test

Church Service, for Believers or Unbelievers?

'Is it not the point of Church services and assemblies “the assembling of ourselves together?” Assembling of saints together exhorting one another, considering each other to provoke unto love and to good works? Outrageous would the claim be that this too is applicable to the unbelieving world is it not? Then why is it that men still continue to pursue such a thought? Why is it though having known this text people still endeavor to change what is to be by Scripture to what their hearts and minds desire? As all things that are in this ever so rising tide of infidelity it is because we think we know better. The oldest sin in the book.' Full article HERE.

Related Links:

Something Is Missing In The Church by Leonard Ravenhill

Why Is There So Much Sin In The Church?

Bring True Converts to Church

You Might Be a Pragmatist

Do You Really Love Your Neighbor?

What makes me sad and feel helpless as a mother is to see subtle social bullying by those who profess to be Christian. If you claim to know Jesus Christ as your Savior and you shun, avoid, spurn or ignore people who are different...repent, or better yet examine yourself to see if you're in the faith. You are called to love your neighbor as yourself.

When God saved me 20 years ago, the first thing I noticed was the love I had for His people. It confused me when I would see Christians treating other believers poorly. I'm not saying I've never done it, but this behavior should not be a regular part of our lives. 

The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 1 John 4:8

Encourage Your Pastor ~ Charles Spurgeon

If you do not encourage your minister, your minister will probably sink down in despair. Remember that the man himself needs encouragement, because he is weak. Who is sufficient for these things?

To serve in any part of the spiritual army is dangerous, but to be a captain is to be doubly exposed. The most of the shots are aimed at the officers. If Satan can find a flaw in our character, then it will be, "Publish it, publish it, publish it!" If he can lead us to keep back a doctrine or go amiss in practice, or wander in experience, he is glad enough. How delighted is the devil to break the vessels of mercy.

Pray for the poor man, whom you expose to perish if you do not preserve him by supplication. If there were a ship at sea stranded and broken on the rocks, and someone volunteered to carry a rope to the sinking crew, you, standing on the shore, could do no more, methinks you could not do less, than cry, "O God! help him to bear the rope to that wrecked ship."

Pray for the minister and encourage him, for there are plenty to discourage him. There are always carping spirits abroad who will remind him of any fault; he will be afflicted by those dastards who will not dare to sign their names to a letter, but send it to him anonymously; and then there is the devil, who, the moment the man has got out of the pulpit, will say, "There is a poor sermon! You will never dare to preach again."

After he has been preaching for weeks there will come a suggestion, "You are not in your proper sphere of labor." There are all sorts of discouragements to be met with. Professing Christians will backslide. Those who do remain will often be inconsistent, and he will be sighing and crying in his closet, while you, perhaps, are thanking God that your souls have been fed under him.

Encourage your minister, I pray you, wherever you attend—encourage him for your own sake. A discouraged minister is a serious burden upon the congregation. When the fountain gets out of order, you cannot expect to find water at any of the taps; and if the minister be not right, it is something like a steam engine in a great manufactory—everybody's loom is idle when the motive-power is out of order.

See that he is resting upon God and receiving his divine power, and you will all know, each Sabbath day, the benefit of it. This is the least thing you can do. There are many other things which may cause you expense, effort, time, but to encourage the minister is so easy, so simple a matter, that I may well press upon you to do it.

Wretched: Paul Washer How to KNOW you are a Christian.

False Converts: My Deepest Burden

I get some opposition from my Christian friends that I'm judgmental when I've shared my concern about false converts. Most of what I post here echos that burden because it is love that motivates me; it's love for God, love for His church, and love for people.

Below is a list from Todd Friel of "Evangelical Phrases that Produce False Converts 13 Evangelistic Phrases That Produce False Converts.

Before reading on, it's important to understand that true faith as well as repentance is a gift from God. We can't muster faith anymore than Lazarus can raise himself from the dead. He responded to the call from Jesus himself.

Have you received the amazing supernatural gift of being transformed (repentance) by the Holy Spirit?

1. Make Jesus your Lord and Savior. We cannot make Jesus our Lord and Savior, He is our Lord and Savior. We are living in rebellion to Him and He commands us to repent and trust Him.

2. Ask Jesus into your heart. Does Jesus come into our hearts? Yes He does. The question is, “How does He get in there?” It is not by simply asking Him in; it is by repentance and faith.

3. Just believe in Jesus. The demons believe and they tremble. We must repent and trust.

4. You have a God-shaped hole in your heart and only Jesus can fill it. We have far more than a hole that needs to be filled so we can feel complete; we have a wretched, deceitful, sinful heart that needs cleansing. Repentance and faith applies the blood of the lamb for that cleansing.

5. Accept Jesus. Whoa. We need to accept Jesus? This is entirely backward. We need Jesus to accept us–and He will, if we repent and trust.

6. Make a decision for Jesus. Decisional regeneration puts man in the driver’s seat of salvation. When we repent and trust, Jesus decides to save us. That puts Him in the driver’s seat…where He demands.

7. It is easy to believe. While the formula of repentance and faith sounds simple, a complete surrendering of self in repentance is anything but easy. It’s hard.

8. God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life. The only promises for the convert are trials, temptation and persecution. If that is how you define a wonderful life, fine. Otherwise we must command all men everywhere to repent and trust.

9. Come to Jesus just as you are. We should come to Jesus just as the sinners we are, but He also expects a broken heart and contrite spirit demonstrated in repentance and faith.

10. Come to Jesus and you will receive forgiveness of sins and ________________ (fill in the blank with money, health, a healed marriage). Jesus didn’t promise healed marriages; in fact He promised broken homes because we would divide when one member repents and trusts.

11. Come to Jesus and experience love, joy, peace. Do we get the fruit of the Spirit upon conversion? Yes. But if we come seeking the gifts and not the giver, we will receive neither. Instead, we must repent and trust.

12. Jesus is the missing piece. Um, no, the God of the universe is not the missing piece, He demands that He is the center of our lives when we repent and trust.

13. Jesus is better than fame and fortune. That is an understatement, and frankly, it is insulting. Saying Jesus is better than money is like saying that a steak dinner is better than eating a dung hill. He defies comparison and we trivialize the Son of God. Instead, we should be pleading with all men everywhere to repent and trust.

A.W. Pink: Unbelievers 

You Have No Authority!

"You have the authority to tell men the gospel, you have authority to tell men how to be saved, and you have authority to teach men biblical principles of assurance, but you have no authority to tell men THEY ARE SAVED! That is the work of the Holy Spirit of God!" Paul Washer