Sermon Series: Domestic Violence and Abuse

I've been listening to a sermon series by Jeff Crippen of Christ Reformation Church on domestic violence and other abuses. 

"Before we can deal with an abuser we have to get these logs out of our eyes...lots of them."

"The Christian church has not done a good job in helping the victims of abuse. In fact we harbor abusive people. Why is that? This is suppose to be the pillar and support of truth."

Series HERE.

Are You Teachable?

For if you cry for discernment,

Lift your voice for understanding;
4 If you seek her as silver
And search for her as for hidden treasures;
5 Then you will discern the fear of the Lord
And discover the knowledge of God.
6 For the Lord gives wisdom;
From His mouth come knowledge and understanding.

Proverbs 2:3-6

When pride comes, then comes dishonor,
But with the humble is wisdom. 

Proverbs 11:2

Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness,
Who seek the Lord:
Look to the rock from which you were hewn
And to the quarry from which you were dug.

Isaiah 51:1

But blessed are your eyes, because they see; and your ears, because they hear. For truly I say to you that many prophets and righteous men desired to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.

Matthew 13:16-17

Now these were more noble-minded than those in Thessalonica, for they received the word with [b]great eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see whether these things were so.

Acts 17:11

Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom.

James 3:13

Why Are Young People Leaving the Church?

Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. 

Likewise urge the young men to be sensible;  in all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified, sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us. Titus 2:3-8 (Emphasis mine)

What I've seen over the 20 years of being a Christian is young people graduate high school or college who leave youth group/student ministry and follow their peers to younger churches. 

Those younger and hip churches lack older saints who have a gold mine of life time wisdom who are not connecting with these younger men and women. This gap creates an environment of immature baby Christians, who learn from more immature Christians, and they remain immature Christians.

Over time this problem creates an imbalance of age groups in biblical churches.

So why is this happening?

Age segregation defies the Titus 2 main principle of discipleship. The passage above is singular in context of a one on one relationship.

 If we separate young people in to their own culture within the church they'll have a hard time connecting and bonding with older men and women in the church's main population.

These older folks are also their family; come to the church of Jesus and find your uncles, fathers, brothers and grandfathers. It is not biblical for my children to depend solely on their peers for fellowship. "He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm." Proverbs 13:20

This is mainly the parents' responsibility to encourage and enable their kids form connections with older saints, but what happens if there are young people who are without parental support? Perhaps their father or both parents are unbelievers and they are not getting the discipleship training they need. That is where the church can jump in and use hospitality, spiritually adopt a young person, and demonstrate an authentic Christian home.

Often times the young person of an unbelieving family are sent to a youth group with their friends, but they are not getting one on one from a mature Christian. They often slip through the cracks and go on unchallenged in their Christian walk.

Even though I disagree with Mike Hauser's pragmatic philosophy of WHY young people are leaving the church they grew up in, I do agree with his solution because it lines up more to the biblical standard.  




Related articles:

Reflection on Becoming a Titus 2 Woman by Sherry Wilson

Pyromanics: "Too many old people"?

Ongoing Pastoral Counseling of an Abuser is a Formula for Trouble

I was part of a women's ministry for many years, and even in that environment the afflicted women were coaxed to get their Titus 2 on and go back to their husbands.

I don't understand the point in having shepherds if they won't protect the weak in the flock they vowed to protect; very sad.

"It has occurred to me lately that we are hearing about a very common pattern experienced by Christians who are abuse victims. They have gone to their pastor for help and the pastor decided to start meeting regularly with the abuser to counsel and “fix” the problem. Some time goes on – perhaps months or longer. Pastor and abuser meeting, talking, fixing. Then the inevitable day arrives. The victim receives a call or note from the pastor asking that she begin to meet with her husband and the pastor. It seems that great progress has been made and now it is time to get her involved. What should she do?"

"Don’t go. Don’t go. Don’t go."

Full article here.

Related article:

Signs Your Husband May be Addicted to Pornography

Abstinence is unrealistic and old fashioned

Another reblog! This excellent article will encourage young people, and make parents like me pump their arms.

"There’s plenty of ignorance on the subject. Plenty of confusion. But it’s the lies I hate. The lies that come from people who know better. The people who have made mistakes and now encourage others to make them, too."
Full article here

Christian Women Bloggers: Maintaining God-Intended Femininity

The Lord is showing me some things.

"Since the publication of my book, Should She Preach? - Biblical Evangelism for Women, I have received questions from several sisters in Christ regarding to what extend can Christian women write, teach, and or share the gospel online (i.e. blogs, journals, Facebook, Twitter, Google+, etc.). It's a legitimate question. Some Christian women have asked the question in a sincere and thoughtful way, while others have asked the question with venom in their words, ready for a fight." Tony Miano

Full article here.

Related posts:

Recovering Biblical Womanhood - Paul Washer

Mentoring: A Blessed Call

Being a Wife and Mother - Charo Washer

Christian Counselor Litmus Test

Forgiveness

I've never been popular. I guess you can call me the black sheep in my family, school and even church. My lack of conformity to unspoken rules has always made it hard for me to assimilate with the majority. 

I often ask "Why?" in certain situations, and sometimes it gets me in trouble. For example, if someone asks me why I don't wear a dress to church, I will as politely as I can, ask why and where that is in scripture? Would Jesus love me less if I wore pants? I tend to share what I'm thinking and feeling and sometimes it makes a lot of people uncomfortable. I'm trying to be more congenial in these situations, but it doesn't come naturally.

Being somewhat awkward and unyielding in nature has made me a target for mistreatment even among professing Christians. They often feel justified in their slights and disregard towards me. I've also been verbally trampled upon by a well known Christian leader in my community for sharing a concern of mine. In my confusion, sensitivity, and despair I withdrew, licked my wounds while bitterness would root in my heart defiling many. 

Frankly I expect more from Christians. I would forgive with the condition in my mind hoping that the Holy Spirit in their growth in sanctification would show them their error, and they will ask me for their forgiveness. I would day dream there would be tears, hugs, and reconciliation, but it never happens. Month after month, year after year they continue to go along as if nothing ever happened, justified in their poor treatment towards a sister in Christ.

With all that said, let me get one thing straight, I'm not saying I'm a victim. I know that there is at least some responsibility on my part in every situation. I'm sure there are also plenty of people that I have wounded unaware. I hope I would do anything to help restore our relationship. My heart is deceitfully wicked and who can know it? I'm far from perfect.

I've been thinking, researching, and praying about forgiveness, and the Lord revealed something big to me. In this verse Jesus teaches Peter in the following passage:

Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven."

I've always thought the above verse meant the amount of sins to forgive and forgiveness is a one time deal. However, my heart would reveal there is still unforgiveness even after I thought I dealt with it. I noticed the word "sin" is singular. This is really important. I have to REPEATEDLY chose to forgive for even the same sin. Forgiveness is a process and seven times may not be enough. I may have to forgive that person hundreds of times out of obedience to the Lord until my heart is free from that burden.

I've experienced this with my parents. Before I was even saved I harbored a lot of anger and bitterness towards them. I'm not going in to details here because I still want to honor them, but forgiving them even as a Christian was a long process that took many years. I spent much time in confession to the Lord of my resentment. Eventually those painful memories that I held on to began to fade. The Lord set my heart free of the hurt that previously imprisoned me. It is true that if I forgive, I will eventually forget. I now have an amazing relationship with my mother and father.

Forgiveness is not easy for any of us. Forgiveness my require a lifetime of forgiving. It is so important to the Lord that I forgive and forgive again until the matter is completely settled in my heart. It is for my good because He loves me.

O Magnify the Lord With Me ~ A Marriage Plea

Since I've been homeschooling these last three years, I haven't had much time to write what's been on my heart as much. For this season in my life, I'll have to let videos and other authors do it for me.

I was moved deeply by this sermon excerpt from a wedding on May 19, 2012. Bob Jennings, who gave the service, went home to be with Jesus shortly after in November 2012.

Charo Washer ~ Being a Wife and Mother

For those who know me or read my blog must know that I highly admire Paul Washer. I have his same passion for the lost, false converts, the church, and the family.

 Here is his wife, Charo, who gave an amazing testimony in 2006 of her own false conversion as a missionary and pastor's wife. Since then she has experienced our God's amazing transformation and is teaching on the family. I like that there is not a whole lot of fluffy or flowery talk. This is just straight up wisdom which I believe women really need in our day. Even though this is a translation it's still worth the time.

Death Is Not Dying ~ Rachel Barkey

A very moving final testimony from a young Christian woman, Rachel Barkey, who died of cancer a couple of years ago. This is a must watch video for women of all ages.

 

What Holiness Is Not

Problems With Dating--Courtship & Marriage God's Way

Feminism is of the World - Femininity is of the Lord

Women's Liberation is nothing more than Women's Minimization. The worldly and demonic philosophy of Women's Liberation communicates to women than they can do anything a man can do and they should try to do it. Yet, God created Woman for a much higher purpose than to imitate Man. He created Woman to be that which Man can never be--a bride, a helpmate, a mother, a person with dignity equal to Man's, but with a distinctly different, God-ordained, and beautiful role in His grand and perfect design. Feminism is of the world. Femininity is of the Lord. And, in this case, opposites do NOT attract. ~ Tony Miano

Wise Instruction to Teens

This young mother is wise beyond her years. Most women in middle age like myself don't have this type of wisdom. Young teen or college person, listen to this woman! Trust me, it will save you!

 

BINGO!

Reflections on Becoming a Titus 2 Woman by Sherry Wilson

“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled." Titus 2:3-5

"I had so many emotions well up in me while reading this book. Primarily sadness, because I realize that there is no older woman in my life that I regularly sit with, fellowship with and go to for advice."

Even in my forties I long for a spiritual mother to advise me with my boys (1 teen and 2 approaching) and my marriage. I've tried to reach out to the younger women, but making that connection in passing is difficult.

I just finished reading a blog this morning on Titus 2 and why it is practically is non-existent in most churches. When we stray away with extra-biblical traditions, it can hurt the generational church in the long run.  "I strongly believe that age segregation in the church has completely strangled the potential for the older women to train the younger women. It’s pretty much non-existent."

Full article: Reflections on Becoming A Titus 2 Woman by Sherry Wilson

Related article: Is the Bible Really Enough?

Are You a New Homeschooler or Thinking About it?

Almost two years ago I pulled all three of my boys out of public school. For years I wanted to rescue them out of the system, but my husband and I were no longer on the same page. I was counselled by a wise older women and men to keep them there to avoid family conflict. God saved my husband about five years ago, and out of the blue he told me to pull the boys out. I was super thrilled and yet super scared.

Several years ago I tried homeschooling, my now 16 year old, when he was in second and third grade. At the time I had two babies and I was overwhelmed with the responsibility and intimidated by other homeschooling moms. They seemed confident that they could homeschool ten kids with their lapbooks and science experiment gadgets, milk the cows, reupholster the furniture and preserve jam all in the same day. They also had a different lingo of "What curriculum?" people used and methods that were completely foreign to me. Like an ill-equipped failure of a young mother, I reluctantly re-enrolled my son back in to the public school system. I suppose I can't blame my husband for thinking the way he did.

Later, both of my younger sons were also enrolled, so I decided to work for the school. It was then that I really saw what was going on day to day. So much of what was going on in the school day was never told to the parents. If two children got in to a fight, there was often no report. We were bound as teacher's aides to never speak to the parents regarding their children which, as a mom, was really hard for me.

I also noticed that in a classroom you can't make a child pay attention. The class I worked in was for special needs children who had mild to profound learning disabilities and behavior problems. I had the privilege of working with a dedicated award winning teacher and four other teacher's aides at all time. Talk about the perfect environment for a classroom! While she was giving her science lecture, the boys in the back were messing with their desks and not paying attention. I would tell them to put everything away and listen, but they were in La-La Land. Without one-on-one instruction it is impossible for most children to pay attention all day long. and learning gaps may result.

Before I pulled all three of my boys out, there was a time I had to fulfill my contract with my job at the school. It just so happened that a book called "What a Forth Grader Needs to Know" was in the public school library right next to the boys bathroom where we went everyday. As I stood there outside the restroom waiting for the boys, I browsed through it. I was encouraged that I could homeschool.  I was determined by God's strength that if I was going to do this, I had to go the distance and never re-enroll them ever again in to public school.

If your husband is not on board with homeschooling, keep praying. It is better that your family be unified without strife.  If God changed my husband's heart, He can change your husband. Just remember, you as a parent can counteract anything that is being taught in school. I used a lot of Bible teaching and creation videos on YouTube that really helped my older son discern truth from error. God's word is powerful and it is an amazing tool to help your child to think critically. I'm a product of the public school system and God's sovereignty still saved me. Don't lose heart.

If homeschooling is an option for your family and you're considering it, and maybe your overwhelmed with all of the information and responsibility, first check out Cathy Duffy's book 101 Top Picks for Homeschooling Curriculum here. It's a thick book, but it has a test in the first chapter to help narrow down the curriculum by your child's learning style and your teaching style. It was a life saver!

Homeschooling has been such a blessing on so many levels. One of the big reason is I have all the time I need to share scripture and pray with them. I did this as well when they were in public school, but it's different. I'm not tired from a long day of work, cleaning, homework, dinner, etc. The time I spend with my boys has been the biggest blessing of my life. Too many people try to rush to get their kids out of the house, but before they know it they are grown and gone. Homeschooling has given me that time to savor every moment and get to know them at a deeper level.

Has it been easy? No. Is anything worth fighting for easy? If I were you, if your thinking about homeschooling, pray, hold off on doing too much research, keep it simple and start with the book "101 Top Picks for Homeschooling Curriculum" (Link above). If you need more convincing, check out this article I read this morning "12 Most Compelling Reasons to Homeschool Your Children" here.

Concerns with "Created To Be His Help Meet" - Book Review By Tim Challies

I read, reread and reread at least five more times this book when it first came out eight years ago. I loved Debi Pearl's hard hitting tough love approach. I felt convicted at every turn of the page and was motivated like never before to be a better wife. I also gave copies to other women.

After a period of time, I became frustrated that I was not able to do what was commanded, so I put the book away in defeat and shame.

 I recently dug out my my wrinkled, marked, highlighted copy of Created To Be His Help Meet stuffed deep in my drawer. It had been a few years since I read it, and I've grown more in knowledge of Christian doctrine in that time. I was shocked at all of the over use of law, lack of grace and harsh legalism. I immediately closed the book and shared my concerns with a close friend.

Tim Challies (A well known Christian book reviewer) did his own review and my concerns are validated.

"We see her graceless, legalistic God in words like these, taken from the book’s final pages: “God is awesome and terrible in his judgments. He is also full of mercy, and of grace. His strong desire is to bless his people, but too often by our ‘carelessness,’ we force him to judge. I believe he wearies of judgment.” Pearl presents a God who offers mercy and grace only to those who please him. To the rest there is judgment. This is a God who reacts to our every careless or thoughtful deed with anger and judgment. He is gracious only when we do what he demands, only when we earn his favor. And this means, of course, he is not a good of mercy and grace at all, not when his favor must be merited."

 Full reviews:

Created To Be His Help Meet

Created To Be His Help Meet (Part 2)

Alternate Books:

The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective by Martha Peace

Helper by Design: God's Perfect Plan for Women in Marriage by Elyse Fitzpatrick

Call for Discernment: Beth Moore's Dangerous Bible Twisting

I listened to this a while back when I kept hearing how wonderful Beth Moore was. I was grateful to hear this radio program from "Fighting for the Faith".

 

Related Link: Call To Discernment: Justin Peters, Paul Washer and Frank Turk (Mention of Beth Moore on Session 1, part 2 at about the 3:00 minute mark)